aedeagus:

the united states of america is fucking horrific and repulsive and people have every right to shit talk it but leave fat people out of it and stop acting like having fat people makes the usa a bad place, when you could focus on idk literally everything else

trust:

mom can i move to sweden

Norway has something similiar i think

champagnewithpapi:

"I coulda dropped my croissant"

dendropsyche:

Oh, wait, you said ”SEND NUDES”? I thought you said “SEND NUKES” hahaha whoops uh i guess you should evacuate your city or something

nurseblonda:

when all your friends start talking about something you know nothing about

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how to pick up CHICKS!!

eggeworth:

  • cup your hands around them protectively
  • lift them from the ground
  • gently kiss their fuzzy heads
  • say “peep peep” calmingly so as not to be pecked
  • peep peep

i-once-had-a-guy-tell-me:

I once had a drunk guy tell me I was too sexy to be shooting up at a party. He knocked the needle out of my hands and stepped on the pen, shattering the casing, telling me I should thank him by giving him my number and a kiss. It was my diabetes medicine.

(submitted by anonymous)

kingcheddarxvii:

I volunteered at an animal shelter yesterday and while I was hosing down the dozenth dirty dog kennel I thought to myself “why am I doing this without pay again?” and then I walked into the room with like 15 kittens in it and they all started meowing at me and I was like, yes, that’s why

trogdorthe-burninator:

daves-applejuice:

qodtiers:

i fucking looked up eggs with legs and i’m

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why are they in a cage?

otherwise they’ll eggscape

wemarchalone:


“Oh hey man didn’t see you there how’s it go-“
“BLAWUHGLAUHGLAUH”
“Excuse me Jimmy wha-“
“BLAWUHALSJAULBAW”

THIS STILL MAKES ME LAUGH A LOT FDSLKJFDSSFD

wemarchalone:

“Oh hey man didn’t see you there how’s it go-“

“BLAWUHGLAUHGLAUH”

“Excuse me Jimmy wha-“

“BLAWUHALSJAULBAW”

THIS STILL MAKES ME LAUGH A LOT FDSLKJFDSSFD

snake-dad:

it makes me mad when people say “no biggie” because we don’t need another reminder that he’s gone

anarchistlovesongs:

domme-chronicles:

strangeremains:

Skull, found in France, with a knife still embedded it it.  The skull belonged to a Roman solider who died during the Gallic Wars, ca. 52BC. It was on display at the Museo Rocsen in Argentina.  

Whenever I see things like this, I wonder how they died. I guess it will always be a mystery.

I’m gonna go with “Stabbed through the head” 

anarchistlovesongs:

domme-chronicles:

strangeremains:

Skull, found in France, with a knife still embedded it it.  The skull belonged to a Roman solider who died during the Gallic Wars, ca. 52BC. It was on display at the Museo Rocsen in Argentina.  

Whenever I see things like this, I wonder how they died. I guess it will always be a mystery.

I’m gonna go with “Stabbed through the head” 

datfamilybusiness:

castielsbottledgrace:

jibblyuniverse:

Every time Steve Rogers has sex, a bald eagle is born

No wonder they’re endangered.

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